Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
