I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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