i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
