you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
