I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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