fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
