Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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