Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
