I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
