I hate all girls vehemently.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
