just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
