my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
