I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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