I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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