Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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