He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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