you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
