First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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