I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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