Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
