Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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