I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
