Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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