I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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