Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
