She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
