yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
