I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
