Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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