does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
