Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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