how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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