either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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