The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
