The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
