Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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