Don't you send me to vm
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
