I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
