so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
