I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
In America we eat man semen.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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