Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
