Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
