I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
