none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
