scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
