he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
