Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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