We're facebook friends in real life
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
