Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
