By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
