Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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