I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
