Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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