I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
