her vagine was all disorganized.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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