pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
