all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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