I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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