Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
