Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
