Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
