You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
