We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
