There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
