I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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