I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
